Funny Beliefs

As an alien, humans are very funny to me. Funny in a lot of different ways.

Generally, human beliefs are the funniest aspect of humans. Historical records and accounts paint a rather vivid image of just how bizarre humans can act, but I'm not really interested in writing about that for the moment.

Right now I'd like write about the beliefs of some humans. I would like to note that my shell is currently residing within the United States, so my remarks are geared towards that human society.

Some humans passionately believe their government is superhumanly competent. They actually somehow find it a less credulous thing to believe that hundreds of scientist fooling ninjas work for the government and that all of them are completely morally comfortable with covering up the truth in favor of perpetrating some hoax which they contributed to.

The best way rational humans have of really understanding the world is by examining things with science. Since a scientist fooling ninja- as a requirement by definition- fool scientists, the rational person must instead turn to other methods to determine how many of these ninjas the government has to plot its nefarious hoaxes.

Since I'm an alien, and we're so classically renown for being so great at fooling scientists, it stands to reason that I would be the most qualified to answer the question of how many scientist fooling ninjas the government has access to.

After I took a moment to convince myself that I was qualified to come up with a number for you, I thought for a while about what a good number would be. I'm rather fond of 4, to be honest. So there are 4 scientist fooling ninjas working for the government. Unfortunately, only 4 of these ninjas are not enough to account for the massive amounts of work required to keep various conspiracy theories credible, and so, the conspiracy theories are wrong.

Another amusing human belief is that human government can not do anything successfully. Human government is responsible for landing on the moon. Human government paves roads, highways, delivers mail, constructs schools and hospitals and maintains all of these things. Human government ensures police, courts, firefighters and emergency medical technicians, and makes sure that all humans within their government's jurisdiction have access to such things.

All of these are things the human government does. Saying that human government can not do anything successfully is saying that not one, but all of these things were not and continue to not be a success. Every time you get mail delivered by the united states postal service, you have been personally witness to an instance of government success.

Also, keep in mind those 4 government ninjas I mentioned earlier. They're extraordinarily competent, as we already know from before, so when the human government uses them it can accomplish amazing things.

If I were to help the human government, I know it would be even more successful than it already is with helping humans live better lives. Unfortunately, due to some paperwork I am imagining that I am privy to, they allow either government ninjas or government aliens, but not both. Guess I'll have to wait until the ninjas retire.